I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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