I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
