Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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