it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
