I wish my penis had an off switch
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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