..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
