the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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