At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
