I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
