when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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