One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
