so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
