My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A+ Viking dick
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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