Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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