you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
