I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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