just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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