Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
