he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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