it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
