Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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