if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
