last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
