i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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