i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
