I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
