it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
