Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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