I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
