Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
