I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
