its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
