The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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