I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
birth control should be required to get into college
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This is my gift to your gina
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
