Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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