How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
