and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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