You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
