Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
