I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
