Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
