i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My feet surprised me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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