you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
