I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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