I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
