I am spending my child support on dildos
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
