im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
