I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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