I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
