Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
