My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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