I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
