if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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