Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
