We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
