Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
