I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
