my soul wont recognize me after tonight
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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